A visit from the healing muse: ‘Etiquette for the Very Ill’
Thursday, May 2nd, 2013
Deirdre Neilen, PhD shares a selection from Upstate’s literary journal, ‘The Healing Muse‘ every Sunday on HealthLink on Air. She edits the annual publication featuring fiction, poetry, essays and visual art focused on themes of medicine, illness, disability and healing.
Order copies of ‘The Healing Muse’ through the Center for Bioethics & Humanities.
Etiquette for the Very Ill, by Johanna Shapiro
Let’s say you get cancer
or have a heart attack
or get hit by a bus
You may think you need a doctor
or a hospital
But what you really need
is a lesson in etiquette
Otherwise you will end up
making a very bad impression
on friends, family,
doctors, nurses,
and complete strangers
so that
while struggling to live
or struggling to die
you will also be universally perceived
as completely lacking
in decorum
Etiquette
That’s right
By getting so sick
you’ve just committed
a serious social faux pas
That’s French for
a fucking bad mistake
from which you will probably
never recover
Ha-ha
(Generally speaking,
as a very sick person,
you want to avoid mordant humor
But what’s a joke or two
among friends?)
Believe me,
when you are a very sick person
you need etiquette
Lesson #1
It is a good idea
when you are desperately ill
to know a little French
French is a classy language
and as a very ill person,
it will give you a certain
je ne sais quoi
(That’s French too
Look it up)
If you do not already
know French
you will have plenty of time
to learn it
in doctors’ waiting rooms
Lesson #2
When you become
a very ill person
it is most important
that you avoid self-pity
This is a very disagreeable emotion
to others
Also anger, despair, misery (especially
the wallowing kind) are bad
Bitter is very bad
When you show these emotions
you make healthy people
feel guilty and uncomfortable
Healthy people can be unkind
They have plenty of energy
Lesson #3
As you might imagine,
smiling is never out of place
If you aren’t very ill yet
try smiling as you stick a
needle (an ordinary sewing needle is fine)
under your fingernail
You can add “thank you” later
If you allow yourself to become
a very ill person who behaves badly
then it will end very badly for you
because everyone will despise you
for having atrocious manners
On the other hand,
it will probably end very badly for you
anyway.
Upstate’s Dr. Donna Bacchi, and family and psychiatric nurse practitioner Ann Sweet, talk about maternal depression – prenatal and postpartum – and how it affects a baby’s development.
hild and adolescent psychiatrist and pediatrician Teresa Hargrave talks about how depression manifests itself in children and adolescents, how it is diagnosed and treated, and how parents/grandparents can be alert for signs and symptoms. Learn what parents and grandparents can do to help the youngsters in their life cope with adversity and disappointment, so that “depression” does not develop.
